I’ve been tired, down on myself, cranky and letting unwelcome thoughts creep into my mind. Feeling overwhelmed with the physical aspect of this pregnancy and actually letting myself wonder if I do have too many children. I’ve never had any doubt about our family before this, so this is why I think it’s circumstantial. Too many occasions of feeling incapable in front of others has built up. One too many times of going out and having people say “don’t you have your hands full?” And in the end going home and feeling exhausted can make a woman wonder. I’m not trying to blame anyone, it’s just life. My own bad attitude and pride getting in the way. I’ve been thinking about humility lately and how during my pregnancies and taking care of little ones, I always seem to be thrown into confronting this part of humanity.
On the hopeful side of things is that today, I was shown some incredible love which truly did touch me in a way I needed. I was at church for the closing of a fantastic bible camp and everything was just wrapping up. I had had about enough of running after my toddler when the priest walked by and started tickling my little guy while he was in my arms. Then he took him from me and continued to make him laugh and gave him a big hug. He gave him back and told me he was beautiful. “Thanks.” I’m always happy to hear this. Before he leaves the priest says to my little guy, “I love you!” Remembering that he wouldn’t say it back to his sister the other day, I told the priest that he doesn’t say that to anyone but me. But he did! In his perfect baby way, my little guy said to someone he didn’t even know, “I love you.” Then he turned around and hugged his friend and told her “I love you!” Again and again he shared his love. I could see it, feel it and hear it standing there this afternoon in God’s house.
As I remember the day, it amazes me how easily and quickly the words I LOVE YOU spread from one person to the next. The only thing is they had to speak the words.